A Plea to the All-knowing

Your remembrance is the only asset of my life.
I stand here empty handed.

I came empty handed, I’ll return empty handed.
You owe me nothing, and yet I owe You my whole being.
Look at me, see how I’ve ruined myself with my own hands.

Here, see it’s all broken, torn, ripped, split

Ever since I left Your valley of love

Of care, of nurture, of motherly adore.

And it’s all dark, covered in dirt and mud and what not.

Blackspotted. That’s all it is.

Do I tear open my heart to You?

To the One who knows well what lies in every heart?
I see no one to turn to except You.

Al-Jabb?r. Isn’t it what they call You?

Residing in broken hearts.

Mending. Fixing. Filling the scars.

Who else do I go to if not You?

You never abhor me like they do

Not even when I’m lying deep down in them trashes

With a wrecked heart and a screaming soul.
Do not abandon me my Rabb, I beg!
I am at my worst today and I will not rise tomorrow either if I lose You
Even if, someday, I happen to own all those riches in the world.
Your remembrance is the only asset of my life.
Do not let me lose it my Rabb for I stand here all beggarly.

Now I know, how true the word was,
that it was me who was among the z?limeen.
It was me who created all these distances.
Traded inferior for superior.

What could be more superior than Your companionship?
Would that I were to realize this earlier.
Would that I realize it now.
For I have no idea, how on earth, in the whirlwind of this dunya I am going to retain this relationship!
I fear I’d lose You, someday again in an hour of ghaflah
I know You would never need such a damned soul

But would You still keep me for the rest of my life?

Would You hold on to me even when I’m all set to escape?

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“O Creator of the heavens and the earth! You are my Wal? (Protector, Helper, Supporter) in this world and in the Hereafter, cause me to die as a Muslim (the one submitting to Your Will), and join me with the righteous.”